BIG MESS: The Craze for ‘Baby Mama’ and ‘Baby Daddy’

A popular Nigerian celebrity musician was recently quoted as saying, “I really don’t fancy this whole idea of getting married or getting bogged down in a matrimonial home with a woman for the rest of my life. Yes, I love kids and hope to get them one day. What I am looking for right now is a classy African beauty who will be the mother of my children. My career is far too important and marriage will be an impediment. So, I am looking for that one lucky baby mama.”

Shocking? Wait for this...
An A-List Nollywood actress was more direct as she weighed in on a television interview where she did not hide her aversion to marriage. “I have met several eligible men who have offered me marriage. Many of them are super rich bachelors. Who wants to stay under the roof of a man to be ordered about or become his cook? Certainly, not me. I want to have children for a guy who shares my worldview of marital freedom. No marriage; I need an understanding baby daddy.”

Yes, you heard them right. And in case you are wondering if these Nigerians are teenagers. No. They are well beyond their dating or marriage age. They represent a growing generation of Nigerians who now see marriage as an old fashioned institution to be consigned into the dustbin of history.

Really, who wants to be saddled with a lifetime commitment of a “for better for worse” vow that is the credo of the time-tested institution marriage? Certainly, not the present generation of Nigerians who see marriage vows as a sort of bondage. With the growing trend in our society, marriage may soon become a relic of history-an old school practice that has no place in their “modern” world where Hollywood celebrity baby mamas and baby daddies are the new role models.

Suddenly, for a growing class of young Nigerians, the excitement that once heralded the wedding ceremony may no longer be a fantasy to look out for. Over the years, the term, baby mama, popularised by the US tabloids, has travelled across the Atlantic from its inner city African-American associations to mainstream Nigerian terms.

Welcome to the new craze in town.
The baby mama syndrome, first having taken root among Nigerian celebrity musicians and the entertainment crowd has crossed the glitz of the red carpet into the mainstream Nigerian sub-culture.The syndrome is fast redefining the whole idea of man and woman relationship. It is also changing the concepts of family and marriage as we previously knew them.

As in every fad we imported from our big brothers across the Atlantic, the terms though a trend that is considered as one of the fallout of a decadent generation of young African-Americans has become a pop culture statement among Nigeria’s Nollywood generation. Now, a large part of Nigerian young women and even men rather than proudly look forward to being married as wives and husbands prefer to bear children out of wedlock for their baby daddies and vice versa. With more of our celebrities who have a huge followings getting enmeshed in this syndrome and showing their status proudly and egged on by the entertainment media, it is no surprise that the syndrome has become the in-thing for many of our impressionable youngsters and teenagers.

While growing up, young people of my generation were taught that marriage was a sacred institution. Growing up under a family setting where our parents had also gone through the rites of marriage, we looked forward to getting married to our “Mrs. Right” or “Mr. Right” or better still our future partners. Then, the word, fiancé or fiancée, held a lot of significance. After marriage, the words, husband and wife, become the symbol of marital union. Then, young people were told not to misbehave so as to not do anything that could jeopardise the future fulfilment of being legally married.

Girls were admonished not to engage in pre-marital sex that could lead to unwanted pregnancy-boys were told to zip up. For boys, it was a taboo to put a girl in the family way. Children born out of wedlock were seen as outcast. The girl who got pregnant while in school was ostracised as a way ward and promiscuous. But not anymore, today, as nobody bats an eyelid when a teenage girl gets pregnant or boy puts a girl in the family way. If they are celebrities, they are celebrated in the media as baby mamas and baby daddies. The families will even throw a party. Now, a growing number of women talk excitedly about just “having his baby” and not “being his wife.” There is an increasingly animated debate against marriage.

S*x has thus been liberalised and babies born out of wedlock are now the norm. I do not know if this trend is a good thing. But it is certainly becoming acceptable in the society. Look at a number of our celebrities who are seen by the youths as role models. Many of them attend red carpet events with multiple baby mamas or baby daddies as the case may be. They grace TV talk shows; they are invited for career talks. Babies born by baby mamas and fathered by baby daddies are growing up under a condition that is a little less than a broken home.

What exactly is going on here?
My young cousin came visiting recently and kept shaking his head in regret. He said he was wondering how I could live with a woman for the number of years I have been married. He said he was not contemplating marriage. Now, true to his prediction. His girlfriend has just given birth to a baby girl. Then, wait for this. My aunt threw a party for his son and his baby mama. In the past, the family would do everything to cover the shame of their son having a child out of wedlock.

How did we come to this?
Copying a decadent and debased culture of ghetto America and making it an acceptable mainstream culture. I think the media, the entertainment genre, should share some of the blame. I do not know if this is a passing fad. But one thing is sure. There have been concerns about its implications on the institution of marriage and the impact on the children produced under this arrangement. Even for medical reasons. How healthy is it when a countless number of baby mamas have children with a dozen baby daddies? Have we not been warned about the health hazards of multiple sex partners?

Who will stop this madness?
Can we also guess what will happen a few years from now if this trend continues? Our country will be populated by a new generation of children born out of wedlock to the so-called baby mamas. Does anyone know the implications of this? Even at that, we are already seeing the fallout of this new scourge. In Lagos, people have complained about the menace of street urchins. But do they know that street urchins of today were the products of pregnancies produced by baby mamas to absentees’ daddies? But hey! Who cares? It’s the age of the baby mama drama.

by BAYO OLUPOHUNDA
@bayoolupohunda