Step up your game, dude.
Are you striking out with women over and over and over again? You might be bombing on some of the basics, without even realizing it. Take a step back, assess. Here are the 15 most common dating fails you might be committing:
1. Acting cocky.
This is a product of pick-up culture. There’s a really high “acting cool” factor involved. Men try to present themselves as more confident and self-assured, even slightly arrogant because they think this will attract women. But think about it: acting like this actually stems from feeling unworthy and that you’re not enough. Women see desperate attempts to act that way annoying, at best, and insulting at worst.
The woman who’s perfect for you is going to have a lot in common with you. So don’t mess up the potential to make a connection with her by acting like something you’re not.
2. Dressing like crap.
Dressing down, wearing a smelly t-shirt, looking sloppy — is this the way to attract love? The best way to improve the amount of attention that you get from women is to look better. It’s undeniable in my opinion.
3. Not making your intentions clear.
If you’re continually getting friend-zoned, you’re likely not being clear with your intentions when you’re meeting women. Maybe you’re not speaking your mind enough, or you’re doing what feels safe. This likely stems from a lack of confidence. But if a woman can’t tell or doesn’t know you’re interested in her romantically, then dude you’re not being direct enough. She might even feel slightly embarrassed ultimately when she finds out you were trying to make romantic gestures all along.
4. Going for girls that are above you.
This is a nebulous term, but for the most part, you’ll date within your “league.” So if you want to date “up” then then you need to up yourself first. Work on yourself; learn, read, take courses, expand your mind. Increasing your own value will greatly improve the turn around you get from women.
5. Your neediness is leading to idealizing women.
Neediness is not love. And if you’re going into dating with some level of neediness, it tends to lead to getting intensely wound up over girls you barely know. You see them as perfect because your brain is blocking you from seeing the bad parts. Be a little more aware of yourself during dating. Don’t try to create something out of nothing with everyone you meet.
6. Waiting for women to come to you.
It’s simple. If you want to win the lottery, you have to buy more tickets. Don’t wait and wait and wait to meet women. Get out there are try the approach to meeting women that takes the most courage: you make the move.
7. Being too much of a player.
Guys forget why they got into this, and rather than embracing the experience of a good connection with a cool girl, their ego and instability take hold and they chase the illusion of being some mad player. That’s not to say that wanting to experience a lot in dating is bad. It’s great, but if you feel like a mouse on a wheel, you’ve got to, at some point, look at why you’re running.
8. Not showing interest.
Despite what pick-up culture promotes, showing interest in a girl is not beta behavior. The truth is, there’s nothing more manly than showing intent and interest in a woman. It presents confidence, integrity and will keep you out of the friend-zone. Again, it’s not what you’re communicating, it’s how you’re communicating it and who is doing the communicating. If she gets weird with you showing interest, it’s likely because you feel weird about doing it, or she just isn’t a match for you. Own it.
9. Not understanding “state.”
Guys often assume that they have no ability to meet and talk to women, when the reality is, they simply don’t understand how “state” works. When you walk into a bar or an event, your “socializing state” is low. Once you start talking to someone — anyone — the cloud will lift and you will feel MUCH more social.
Guys who are good with women, and even just good with people in general, understand this, thus they can muster up the effort for those first couple of interactions, knowing that they will feel better once the ball’s rolling. Should you rely on a good state to talk to people? No. Should you know that that’s how your brain operates? Yes.
11. Once you’re in a relationship, you stop growing.
This is all too common — guy meets girl, settles down and stops growing. But she likely fell for you because she found you to be passionate, growing, and learning. You must keep developing in a relationship, not for her, but for yourself. Don’t stagnate.
12. Not closing.
You can get along with a woman all night long but if you don’t ask for her phone number, you won’t end up with a date. There are no tricks here. It’s simply, “Hey, you seem really cool, I’d love to send you a text sometime. I should grab your number.” Even use Facebook if you’re more comfortable with it. Just do it.
13. Giving up too easily.
This is just like anything else. Let’s take the example of learning to play guitar. You can pick up a few things quickly, but to get the real lessons, it requires some time and commitment. Don’t see it as unwarranted effort; see it as a very worthy path. Learning to interact with women in general will enhance future relationships (romantic and otherwise).
14. Spending too much time online.
Online dating is a great tool. But in some respects, it’s too easy. And the problem is, it’s so easy that it doesn’t force you to improve your confidence in real life social interaction.
15. Clinging to one girl all night.
Guys often get talking to a girl who responds well to them, and they don’t want to let that go. The idea of the conversation trailing off scares them, feels like failure.
But what do you do about it? Conversation is like a muscle. If this is happening, then you’ve likely just not had enough conversations to strengthen that muscle into an easy, free-flowing ability.
Secondly, it’s OK to walk away. If she’s in a venue, she’s probably not going anywhere right away. Go back and talk some more later. Sometimes less is more.
source: yourtango.com
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